The Man in Black
by Pandora1243
Summary: What does Snape do to make himself feel better after a long day? He listens to music of course! Oneshot lyric fan fic


Professor Severus Snape sat in his dungeon room feeling a little annoyed. Once again those dunderhead students had almost trashed his potions room making a huge mess. It was all the fault of that Longbottom boy, and Harry Potter. Snape felt comforted that no matter how bad things got in his life, he could always blame a Potter. That was what they were there for. Snape knew that he was starting to stew in his own juices, and in his case, those juices were greasier than most. He knew exactly what he needed to feel better. He got up and went over to the muggle stereo that he had smuggled into the school and put on his new favourite song. For some reason, it reminded him of, well… him. The music started to filter through the room, and as it did, a beatific smile lit up his face and he started to sway to the music.

Hohh

Here come the men in black  
It's the mib's uh here come the mib's  
Here come the men in black men in black  
They won't let you remember

Nah nah nah  
The good guys dress in black remember that  
Just in case we ever face to face and make contact  
The title held by me mib  
Means what you think you saw you did not see  
So don't blink be what was there is now gone  
The black suits with the black ray bans on  
Walk in shadow move in silence  
Guard against extra terrestrial violence  
But yo we ain't on no government list  
We straight don't exist no names and no fingerprints  
Saw somethin' strange watch your back  
Cause you never quite now where the mib's is at  
Uh eh

Yes, that was him, he was the man in black. He started to hop around his room, his feet doing intricate little steps as his arms made dangerous motions in the air. He saw himself in the part. He was cool. He was slick. He had grease in his hair. He was a super-spy who walked in silence and no one- absolutely no one could predict when the Snape in black would sneak up behind them. His dance got more energetic.

Here come the men in black men in black  
Galaxy defenders oho oho oho  
Here come the men in black men in black  
They won't let you remember

No one would remember the Snapinator. He was a machine. He could tear down his enemies in a single flash and before they could say 'Tommy Lee Jones' they were obliviated. He started to do a little jumping twirl to the music, his robes streaming out around him. Suddenly he went into a split on the floor, twisted his feet around him and spun on his back, feet in the air. He was breakdancing and no one could drag him down!

Aha aha  
Now from the deepest of the darkest night  
On the horizon bright light enters sight tight  
Camaras zoom on the impending doom  
But then like boom black suits fill the room up  
With the quickness talk with the witnesses  
Hypnotizer neuralizer  
Vivid memories turn to fantasies  
Ain't no mib's can I please  
Do what we say that's the way we kick it  
D'ya know what I mean  
I see my noisy cricket get wicked on ya  
We're your first last and only line of defense  
Against the worst scum of the universe  
So don't fear us cheer us  
If you ever get near us don't jeer us we're fearless  
Mib's freezin' up all the flack  
What's that stand for men in black  
Uh eh

This was the part that always made him so happy. He _was_ the only line of defense. He strode where others feared to tread. He was powerful. He was a lean mean sneaking machine, and no one dared to jeer at him anymore. Finishing up his breakdance, he got up for his favourite part of the song.

The men in black  
The men in black

Let me see ya just bounce it with me  
Just bounce with me  
Just bounce it with me

Snape bounced.

Come on let me see ya just slide with me  
Just slide with me  
Just slide with me

Snape slid.

Come on let me see ya take a walk with me  
Just walk with me  
Take a walk with me

Snape moonwalked the length of his room.

Come on and make your neck work  
Now freeze

Snape bobbed his head like a madman, hair grease flying all over the room, when he wrenched his neck and froze. Pain shot through his neck and shoulders as he yelped in shock and surprise. Maybe he was getting a little old for this. He grasped his head in the back and by the chin, and with a sickening _pop_, regained his ability to bob.

Ohhhhhoh

Here come the men in black men in black  
Galaxy defenders ohh ooohh  
Here come the men in black men in black  
They wont let you remember oh nohh

Alright check it  
Let me tell you this in closing  
I know we might seem imposing  
But trust me if we ever show in your section  
Believe me it's for your own protection  
Cause we see things that you need not see  
And we be places that you need not be  
So go on with your life  
Forget that roswell crap  
Show love to the black suit cause  
That's the men in  
That's the men in

Snape continued to dance around his room repeating over and over again the words "show the love… show the love". After all was he not universally adored? Was he not Snape, the one teacher who held the house cup for more years in a row than anyone else? Was he not the greatest, sneakiest, greasiest, most beloved super-spy in existence?

Here come the men in black here they come  
Galaxy defenders galaxy defenders  
Here come the men in black oho here they come  
They won't let you remember won't let you remember

Here come the men in black ohh here they come  
Galaxy defenders oho oho oho  
Here come the men in black  
They won't let you remember

As the song ended, Snape flung himself onto his sofa, dripping with perspiration; exhausted but happy. He knew who and what he was. He was the Snapinator. He was the last hope of wizardkind. He was the uber-spy who could walk where others feared to tread, silent and deadly. He put the 'hunk' in 'phunk'. He was the man in black.


End file.
